Today, I Let my ‘Friend’ Go.

He didn’t die. I didn’t have to unplug him or anything as sad as that…

Having been inspired by another person’s blog, I have decided that I need to allow a ‘friend’ of mine to leave.

He (let’s call him Sam) has been trying to ditch me for a while but I have kept chasing him. Let’s start at the beginning:

Six years ago, Sam used to work where I used to work. He was (and is) 12 years younger than me. (Did anyone say Cougar?) We had a friends-with-benefits kind of relationship. We didn’t have very much in common but I really enjoyed the sex (can I say that on this page?). It fizzled out. He got engaged; but we would send each other a text every now and then.

Fast forward to 6 months ago. I sent a friendly text and it continued into a full-blown texting conversation which continued over a couple of days. He was no longer engaged (alarm bells should have gone off then!) We met up. We had sex – still pretty good, not exceptional and, I hadn’t had any sex in over 4 years (since before depression invaded my life).

Well, that was it. I had been fine for 4 years but, now that I’d had some physical contact, I wanted more! So, texting every night (no phone calls – just texting), trying to work out a time that would fit, and Sam being too busy (more alarm bells, right?).

Almost exactly a month later, sex again. This time he let me know that it was his fiancé who called off the wedding (can you hear anything above the noise of those bloody bells?). This was my friend and he was hurting. I knew how that felt. I wanted to help. I scheduled inspirational quotes to his phone every morning. I checked up on how he was doing. I made sure he was surviving.

Guess what? A month later (is there a pattern happening here?), we had sex again! THEN he told him that he thought he wasn’t prepared to continue our ‘relationship.’ Ok, fine – end of sex. I deleted his name from my contact list so I could restrain myself from texting (addictive behaviour, do you think?)

Then he sent me a text – he was back on my phone. Yes, we had sex.

Yes, it happened. Yes, afterwards he suggested we put a brake on our ‘relationship’ again. And yes, a month after that, we had sex (again)! Then we had dinner together – we still had absolutely nothing in common, I noticed.

Some more texting, some more trying to work out a time that would fit, and some more of Sam being too busy (is anyone getting bored here?). Then all of a sudden, I got a phone call! This never happens – what the hell? He needed my professional help. I gave it to him and, after it was all over, we had sex!

After my Valentine’s Day surprise went awry (he doesn’t like surprises it seems), he only replied to my texts with passive aggression (I never knew what that meant until now) and then he stopped answering all together.

WOW! that was a lot longer than it should have been.

But there it is – my friendship with Sam! Now I bet you’re saying ‘What are you talking about? That wasn’t a friendship!’ and, after I read it back to myself, I agree and think how very needy I am. But I think I was confused – I thought, as I had known this person for 6 years, that he was a friend.

I was wrong (it’s taken me this long to reach this conclusion – it probably took you about 5 seconds). During this time, I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia – did you notice that there was no reference to that in the above story? And no mention that I had to stop working? And no hint that, during this time, I was unable to sleep, suffered debilitating headaches (did you know that, despite the myth, sex actually helps headaches?) and was house-bound? That would be because there was no support forthcoming from Sam.

Now, I don’t have a lot of friends (that is NOT a not-so-subtle request for people to ‘friend’ me on Facebook – it’s just a fact). They seem to disappear from my life. Unlike my brother, I don’t have any friends that I’ve known since kindergarten. I know I try – perhaps I try too hard?

But I still don’t know why I was so intent on maintaining Sam’s ‘friendship’? I wouldn’t have laboured so hard if he was female (a very woeful thing to say, I know). The sex wasn’t THAT great, there were no common interests and we didn’t share any friends; but I couldn’t just let it die a natural death. I persisted in texting – I knew that I could wear down his resolve; but why should I? Why was I willing to allow him to treat me this way? And why was I prepared to degrade myself so much that I was almost begging him to visit me? Is it something to do with needing a man to be complete?

Anyway, the point of this very rambling post – I no longer text Sam, Sam is not in my phone anymore; and we, obviously, have no sort of relationship. It’s time to let this toxic friendship go.

ADDICT!

I have a totally addictive personality:

• I’m addicted to chocolate – that first bite overwhelms my taste buds. It melts and flows like lava in my mouth. It is warm and sweet, and it seriously makes me happy. Unless chocolate does this for you, you have no idea what I’m talking about, do you?
• I’m addicted to cigarettes (yeah! I know – please don’t bother lecturing me on that topic – I know!)
• I was addicted to Pepsi-Max – that’s all I drank – no coffee, no tea, no water; just Pepsi-Max. But I’m proud to say I haven’t had anything but water (except a couple of margaritas) in over 2 weeks.
• I’m addicted to Facebook and my blog. Last month, I started a Facebook page; and 5 days ago, I started this blog. And now, I’ll admit, I’m totally addicted. I love turning on the computer and seeing how many LIKES or new followers I have. I love publishing a post, then watching what happens all day. It astonishes me that I write something in Melbourne and someone, in another country (or here) likes it and wants to read it. And I HATE having to log out at 8pm (remember – doctor’s orders!).

Shhhh….I’m also addicted to wall decals.

Got any secret addictions you’d like to share?