No Word for It!
I am exhausted (I know most of you are, too – but I’m going to tell you about it anyway), so exhausted that there is no word for it (no matter how much we discuss it).
Today, I organised myself some time so I could sleep in – it didn’t work. I woke up at about 7am and tossed and turned for a couple of hours, just trying to make myself go back to sleep. I finally gave up and moved to my couch, where I immediately felt like I could go to bed forever.
So, sitting on my couch with my tummy grumbling, I don’t even have the energy to think about, let alone making, something for breakfast. Hopefully a row of chocolate will boost my sugar levels enough to even consider food.
Just as I have heated up the last of special lactose-free milk for a hot chocolate (oops! more chocolate!), the delivery men arrive with my new washing machine, dryer and microwave. Yippee! Excitement plus! Beautiful, sparkling white appliances! So, out into the rain to open the garage so the guys could reach the laundry the easiest way possible. Out goes the old washing machine – leaking water then entire way back to their truck, so, whether I feel like it or not, it’s time to clean the laundry floor. OK, so I just sort of moved the mess into the kitchen to clean up later. No problems with dryer and microwave installation.
Taking a seat back on the couch, I hear Mommy’s car horn honk. Grab my bag, look around the house for anything I may have forgotten (does everyone else do that?) because I have always forgotten something, whether I can work out what it is or not. Now, it’s off to the supermarket – all the essentials and now I need to buy special front loader washing powder. And then, home, thank God. I feel like I’m about to die. Gravity is pulling my body to the ground, my head has stopped thinking even the most basic thoughts and my whole house is a mess!
My shopping has been dumped in the kitchen. There is a huge pile of paperwork and folders (to do with establishing a charity) to collate in the middle of my lounge-room floor. Bags of unwanted stuff litter the floor, to go to the Op shop (which closed early – I walked up there – Bummer!) There’s a couple of bags of returned stuff (no idea what) from Mommy. The point being that I have to clean all of that up before bringing out a broom and vacuum cleaner.
So, once again, I am sitting on the couch, trying to work out where to even start. I also know there’s a tonne of clean washing in my bedroom waiting to be put away (but I can’t actually see that from the couch, so I don’t need to deal with it right now).
Now I know, as tired as I am, I can only do a couple of these things. The most important is the floor and vacuuming – but, of course, I can’t get to it through all the other stuff. So, here I remain, trying to decide if it’s worth doing the other stuff, while I’m so tired, when it’s not going to make a big difference (compared to the floor, anyway).
I can’t even make that decision – and now it’s dinnertime. What am I going to eat?
Posted on June 26, 2012, in Stuff that doesn't fit... and tagged Appliances, chronic illness, couch, empty tank, exhaustion, Home, Laundry detergent, Mommy, shopping, sleep, struggle, Vacuum cleaner, Washing machine. Bookmark the permalink. 15 Comments.
I have sooooooo been there. Yes, I have to look around to see what I’m forgetting. Yes, I have a hard time getting those thoughts completed. Yes, there is often so much to do that I just can’t bear to do any of it!! Prayers for you this evening!!
Ive been there many times…one day I do dishes the next..if I can laundry…somedays nothing..& it sucks!!! But oh well tomorrow is another day..soft hugs & congrats on the new washer dryer & micro.
That’s it exactly. I am sorry you feel so bad but its nice knowing I am not alone. This is the first year that things have gotten this bad for me. I never really believed that I had fibromyalgia because it came at the same time I had neck surgery, back surgery, gallbladder surgery and hystrectomy. I thought it was all related to the surgerys. Now I realize it is fibromyalgia I was getting better from surgery then I hurt all over, I was so tired I could not move. I am OCD when it comes to clean so I keep it spotless, I cleaned every day, now I want to and need to but can’t, I get one room at a time and then its past time to start over and here I set wondering why I am so lazy. Is there anything that helps this? Thanks for. Sharing!
I hate those days. We all get them. Thanks so much for sharing. Your little tid bits help me not feel so alone.
I to am glad that I am not the only one that feels this way, or feels like I am just one big lazy blob some days. Like Tabathia I was one who went in circles around my house, picking up, cleaning something, my kids called me “pick and move” ! The cold weather hurts me so much, and the hot weather is really no better. Most days I wish I could just lay in my bed and let the world go by. I was going through a severe depression and seeing a psychiatrist, and I complained so much about the pain I was having, he suggested that I see my family Dr. to see if he thought I had Fibromyalgia. (I did
,a big blow ) But it explained a lot, the brain fog, the forgetfulness, etc….. Wishing everyone a better day tomorrow 
As so many others have commented – it’s so nice to know I’m not alone! I also check and double-check (and triple, etc) to make sure I’m not forgetting something (I am) even when I’m not sure what I might be forgetting! It rarely matters, as I will inevitably manage to leave the most important thing at home (ID, money, coupon, mind) and have to go back out to complete the original task.
And I also have a couch perch that fills me with dread as I can see so many things that need to be done and of the 10-15 tasks at hand there are days when I may only complete 1-2 of them.
I had the same day today, down to finally dragging myself from bed unable to get back to sleep only to sit on the couch and feel like I couldn’t stay awake. It happens to us all, so please don’t be too hard on yourself!
Hang in there, lady, and hopefully tomorrow will be better for us all!!
You need to sleep! Or at least lie in bed for a whole day and give yourself a break. This is one condition where pushing through doesn’t help – in fact, it makes it worse. Ask yourself what you’d tell your darling nephew to do. That’s how you should treat your own Inner Child. Get her under the doona!
Yesterday must have been “the” day for bad days.
Everyone is right – you need rest and pushing through is not going to help. You’ll be worse tomorrow. Taking your own advice is hard. My goal for today – filling my pill trays. Opening each pill bottle, putting in the correct number of pills in the correct time, and closing the bottles and trays might be too much for me today.
Please share days like this. It helps to know I’m not alone and what I am feeling is real and I’m not just being lazy. The couch thing happens to me all the time. What is up with that? I wonder if I should just sleep on the couch or move the couch into my bedroom.
We are here for each other, even though we can be continents apart. Wishing you a better tomorrow.
For me it has been a bad week, but pushing through is all I can do. I have two complete invalids in my care and neither of them understand what is going on with me and just wonder when I will “get over it” likes it’s a flu bug or something..Scientific facts and data are lost on the both of them. Sharing the good and the bad times with others is one of the only things that helps make this condition “almost” bearable. Sending lots of warm soft hugs your way for a better day. Lori.
BTW, I gave up on the couch years ago. I do EVERYTHING from my bed. I can regulate my temperature easier, and lie flat regularly as my back hurts. I hurt if I sit too long in a chair, at a desk, on a couch – anywhere but my perfectly set up bed area. And no, it doesn’t make the insomnia worse – I used to sleep just fine when I first started working from bed. Where is it written you have to leave your bed to work on your computer? That’s what they invented bed tables for!
you described it perfectly feeling like gravity is pulling you down..I am the same way! Glad you got some new toys even if they are practical!
You are awesome. You are really the only relatable Fibro blogger on the web. My neighbors have seen me lock the door, go to the car, back up. drive back, go in the house and repeat the process three times more.
I wonder where it is that you go when you have something meaningful and powerful to share. Is it here where I find solace in knowing that for the first time I have found others who know me “or feel” me any way. Pretty lady you have become an awesome and an amazing gift @ a time in my life when I have never needed support and understanding more and I can’t thank you enough. On face book they ask what is on your mind…I don’t feel safe telling anyone there but here it feels safe I hope I am not making a mistake. My thought is this: If the grand plan for our lives is to learn everything and do everything possible “no matter the pain” and I hope with as much grace and dignity you are able to muster, and all things in this life are but a test…I am an A student peeps
Life is so hard with out being in constant pain, having temp. fluxes and weird tingling,numbness and a constant aching throb over my entire body OK enough of that back to the good stuff. Just wanted to qualify myself “humor is my best defense” Sick as it is 
anyway the big deal is I got my ailing mother to the doctor and back home again..It took my sisters help a walker, a wheel chair, a car, but with knee braces, ankle and both arms wrapped I got her there and back home safely…big accomplishment and now I wish I could fall down or soak in Epsom salt but it will be another 4 or 5 hours before I can take a break and do that when my mom and sister go to bed until then.. Oh ya, forgot the part about losing my power steering when leaving the pharmacy with my 86 yr. old mother after dropping off her scripts but alas I did prevail and limped my car back home with mama in tow Woo Hoo thanks for listening. Lori
Oh, I can so relate! I’m so sorry you are enduring this dreaded fibro fun along with so many of us. But I want to say a huge THANK YOU for saying it like it is for us all!!! You are able to put into words, so eloquently, what we feel and want to say. Kuddos to you for being a piece of reality for those of us that need to know we are not alone, nor totally nuts lol, for what we walk through day to day. Please keep up this awesome blog! You are a true blessing for us all! If my arms could reach through the laptop screen, I’d give you a gentle hug. Another thing I want to say is for those with fibro that do not live alone, I hope you realize how very fortunate you are. Living with this is bad enough but to live alone like I do and I’m sure many of us are… is even more difficult. There are days I’d love to have a nice, hot, home cooked meal and I’m just not able to do it, therefore, I settle for whatever is easiest to grab. To have someone to even bring you something to drink when you dread moving after you have finally got into that comfy spot that you had worked so hard to find for hours. But to open up your laptop and find a blog post from you, stating it as it is, is so refreshing!! I can’t say thank you enough for your words!! Hope today is a low pain day for you. Gentle hugs.
I’ve been there–looking at all the stuff I have to do, deciding what I can do to just get the basic cares of life done and what needs to be put off until the next day. It’s not fun, but it’s what we have to live with. I’m glad you’re still able to write and describe what it’s like, though. People need to know they’re not alone in these feelings. I know sitting on the sofa most of the day makes me feel so isolated sometimes, but through the magic of WordPress I know I’m not alone.