Loneliness is the Most Terrible Poverty

I’ll admit that sometimes I like to just hide alone in my little house and be by myself – because (beyond the physical) living with the emotional pain of trying to cope with FM can be exhausting. And, sometimes, I don’t want to put on my happy face; I just want to sit, in silence, and brood.

But whether you’re all alone, by yourself like me, or all alone and surrounded by people who don’t understand, living with FM can feel total isolating.

There are plausible reasons why living with FM makes it seem like you’re living on the peripheral of life:

• An Invisible Condition. FM is an intensely painful experience for us, but it is invisible to those (especially those who aren’t really looking) around you.
• Trauma. FM, whether set off by a traumatic event or not, is a trauma in itself. It is like a permanent fight-or-flight setting, and when your whole system is set to trauma response, it’s hard to invest in relationships.
• Altered sense of self. Chronic pain can change the way we relate to ourselves. If the relationship with ourselves is disrupted, you’ll see ripple effects in all your other relationships.
• Other people’s reactions. Living with FM often means becoming accustomed to the people around you telling you that your condition is “all in your head” and that you should “snap out of it.” But you know what you feel is real, and being misunderstood and judged isn’t conducive to happy relationships.
• Practical barriers. Pain, fatigue, and related problems such as sleeplessness and mood changes can make it difficult to show up at social events or even work up the energy for a phone call. It makes it very difficult to do the things you want to do. You can never make plans, as you never know how you are going to feel from day to day. These barriers cause isolation and may even lead to depression.

Connecting with supportive people, although not always easy to find, can help us overcome these emotional side effects.

The Ultimate Relationship Dream List

1. Working with a doctor who understands fibromyalgia and is keeping up with cutting-edge research should lead to effective treatment approaches — perhaps medication, lifestyle changes, or alternative therapies such as acupuncture.
2. You want a variety of relationships, and spending time with others who have FM could ease some of your isolation. There may not be others within your physical proximity but you can establish cyber-relationships by joining on-line support groups that meet your needs. My Facebook page may not be your sort of thing, but at the bottom of this page is a list of other support groups that you might want to explore.
3. Don’t engage with the people who say FM is NOT real – although you can’t cut off your family, you can limit the time you spend with those who refuse to acknowledge what you’re going through.
4. Whether it stems from living with FM or has another cause, depression is a common coexisting condition. Depression treatment or stress-coping skills should be part of your treatment plan and will help ease loneliness as part of the healing process.
5. Don’t forget to give yourself time to see results – forming relationships takes time. As your emotional distress eases and we find ways to manage our stressful relationships, hopefully we will start to feel less isolated.
6. And, lastly, believing you will be trapped forever in an incurable, painful condition can be a self-fulfilling prophecy. So if that’s your mind-set, it’s time to start building a support system of doctors, nurses, friends, and family. This network will help you cope with and manage your fibromyalgia symptoms more effectively so you can get back to the life you deserve.

Chronic Comic 91