Riding the Wave – Part 2

…and continuing from yesterday’s post…

5. Create a new self.

If we hang on tightly to the “old self” we were, finding the value of our “new self” becomes increasingly difficult. (You may even exaggerate how fit that person was: “I didn’t need any sleep, I never felt bad, I could do anything!”).

This does not mean we should totally discard our previous conception of self; rather, we need to find a way to integrate the two. In other words, you should seek to find in your new body new ways to enjoy and experience the things that you had done before. Consider all the aspects of yourself that you like, and the things that you most want to do; then step by step, find ways to achieve as many of these as you can. At the same time, recognize that your expectations must shift so that you can once again meet them.

6. Don’t forget the good stuff.

While the physical symptoms of FM can feel all-encompassing, there should be other parts of your life – your social relationships, passions, family – that also exist. By focusing on the positive aspects of your life, you become more aware of how many there are: the friends that stuck by you, the things you still enjoy, and the accomplishments you have been able to make, however small, under very different conditions. Because each task now represents a challenge, we should celebrate whatever we manage to accomplish. As we have been told many times, if we shorten the list and pace ourselves, whatever we do eventually adds up to something to be very proud of.

7. “Oy, it could be worse.” (The Jewish mantra).

As comparisons shape our view, it is helpful to find comparisons that will provide a fuller appreciation for what has befallen us. OK, the ‘eat because children are starving in (fill in the developing country)’ did not work for you as a child. But try to think of it this way: Many bad things happen in the world. The odds are that some of them will happen to you. Not because of anything that you have done, but because, as the saying goes, shit happens. It takes only a short view of the evening news to remind ourselves of the horrors occurring every day. So, this is what has happened to you – you, too, were caught. Let us examine what we have:

• We know our condition is not terminal, so we need not begin contemplating our pending mortality.
• As bad as we sometimes feel, our underlying condition is not going to get worse. We have already experienced the worst, and, to our credit, have gotten through it.
• Although only a few people achieve permanent remission, many improve significantly. As we understand how our actions and emotions influence our general well-being, we can find ways to partake in more and more activities.

8. Keep the hope alive!

There is so much room for hope. It has only been since the 1990s that our condition has acquired any legitimacy from the medical community (okay, mostly!). We are in a far better position than the generations before us who suffered without ever receiving validation. We know much more about the important roles of exercise, medication, stretching, pacing and meditation to bring relief and a sense of control. Furthermore, as medical research increases, it is only a matter of time before better therapies (and perhaps even a cure!) are introduced.

9. Lean on me!

A single most important predictor of how we do is the support network we create. We certainly appreciate what it means when someone helps us when we feel especially lousy. Make sure that, within your abilities, you continue to be a good friend to those you care about. We still have lots to give. During a good moment, write to a friend that you are thinking about her. Help your family and friends find ways to maintain their relationship with you. Invite them to your place to eliminate travelling (and do not worry what your place looks like! They came to see you, not your house-cleaning abilities).

Try to be open with family members, while at the same time supportive of their needs. Put yourself in their shoes as often as possible – it can be scary to have someone you love be sick! Also make sure to seek help outside of your immediate circle so as not to drain your closest friends and family. There are now all sorts of support groups, both live and in virtual computer space (hey! Right here!)

10. Indulge whenever you can.

We have lots of time to focus on our thoughts. Most people do not have the luxury of taking time to relax and think. OK, we did not ask for these ‘time-outs.’ They are demanded by the needs of our bodies. Nevertheless, we have control over how we use this extra time.

Instead of dwelling on what our bodies are not doing, give your fantasy life full freedom. Turn these rest periods around to be indulgent time. In our mental playground, we can practice dance steps we used to know (for there WILL be some times we can dance!). We can use the time to think through problems we face and how we want to spend time when we are feeling ready, or we can analyse a movie we recently saw, say prayers, or mentally write a letter to a friend.

Meanwhile improvements in spirit have an added impact on our entire well-being. Laughter is good medicine; while dwelling on our troubles tends to compound them.

Related articles

• Riding the Wave – Part 1
• Joy to the World

A No-Win Situation

Many of us suffer from depression, as well as FM. But did you suffer from this horrible black dog before you developed FM, or after?

You’ve heard people complain that they’re depressed after a breakup, a layoff, or an overall terrible week. But are these people really experiencing depression? Are you really depressed?

When a stressful situation is particularly hard to cope with, we react with symptoms of sadness, fear, or even hopelessness — a type of reaction that’s often referred to as situational depression. Unlike major depression, when you are overwhelmed by depression symptoms for a long time, situational depression usually goes away once you have adapted to your new situation.

The problem for a lot of us is that FM is not going away – we can only manage it, so we need to adapt to our new situations as soon as we can.

In fact, situational depression is usually considered an adjustment disorder rather than true depression. But that doesn’t mean it should be ignored: If situational depression goes untreated, it could develop into major depression.

“Situational depression means that the symptoms are set off by some set of circumstances or event. It could lead to major depression or simply be a period of grief,” explains Kathleen Franco, MD, professor of medicine and psychiatry at Cleveland Clinic Lerner College of Medicine in Ohio. However, she adds that situational depression may need treatment “if emotional and behavioural symptoms reduce normal functioning in social or occupational arenas.”

Who Gets Situational Depression and Why?

Situational depression is common and can happen to anyone — about 10 per cent of adults and up to 30 per cent of adolescents experience this condition at some point. Men and women are affected equally.

The most common cause of situational depression is stress. Some typical events that lead to it include:

• Loss of a relationship
• Loss of a job
• Loss of a loved one
• Serious illness (hello? anyone recognising themselves here?)
• Experiencing a traumatic event such as a disaster, crime, or accident

What Are the Symptoms of Situational Depression?

The most common symptoms of situational depression are depressed mood, tearfulness, and feelings of hopelessness. Some other symptoms include:

• Feeling nervous
• Having body symptoms such as headache, stomach ache, or heart palpitations
• Missing work, school, or social activities
• Changes in sleeping or eating habits
• Feeling tired
• Abusing alcohol or drugs

How Is Situational Depression Diagnosed and Treated?

A diagnosis of situational depression, or adjustment disorder with depressed mood, is made when symptoms of depression occur within three months of a stress-causing event; are more severe than expected; or interfere with normal functioning. Your doctor may do tests to rule out other physical illnesses, and you may need a psychological evaluation to make sure you are not suffering from a more serious condition such as post-traumatic stress disorder or a more serious type of depression.

The best treatment for situational depression is counselling with a mental health professional. The goal of treatment is to help you cope with your stress and get back to normal. Support groups are often helpful. In some cases, you may need medication to help control anxiety or for trouble sleeping.

Situational depression and other types of depression are a common problem today, notes James C. Overholser, PhD, professor of psychology at Case Western Reserve University in Cleveland. “Many people are struggling with social isolation, financial limitations, or chronic health problems,” says Dr Overholser. “A psychologist is much more likely to view depression as a reaction to negative life events. Many people can overcome their depression by making changes in their attitudes, their daily behaviours, and their interpersonal functioning.”

If you have (or think you have) situational depression, you should know that most people get completely better within about six months after the stressful event. However, it is important to get help, because situational depression can lead to a more severe type of depression or substance abuse if untreated. For many people with situational depression, the coping skills they learn in treatment can become valuable tools to help them face the future.

 

 

Where are You Going in 2013?

Reprinted from the December issue of LIVING WELL with FIBROMYALGIA.  

Written by Elissa Tomasini, who also writes a blog about managing chronic pain with resources & support, and information about health coaching: http://chronicpainjournals.com/

I absolutely love making goals & creating plans.  It inspires me to dream & make positive changes to my life.  I can take time to reflect on what in my life is or isn’t working, & look at ways to move in the direction I want for my life.

I find that making goals in life works best when it starts with listing out my own values.  This gives me a framework for deciding where to invest my time, & when it might be best to change a course.  Because my values are also about relationships, this helps me to include people in my goals, not just concrete goals around accomplishments.  I include values of self-improvement & character traits I aspire to.  Though these may not be as measurable, my personal integrity is more important than the accomplishments I make.

I have a list of seventeen top values that I have revamped over the years.  My overall mission statement is:  I will strive for growth, healing & deeper spirituality, where I can truly love others, giving joy, grace, & peace to those I meet.  Some of my values include building strong relationships with family, friends & neighbours.  Others are about personal traits such as saying I am sorry, being forgiving, having fun & living a life of integrity.  I also include fitness & health, making a difference, being financially secure & helping people in need.

Next I start with a free-write (brainstorm) of goals & hopes of what I would like to accomplish.  This might be short-term or long-term ideas, as well as self-improvement type of goals.  I try to avoid thinking too rationally when writing out my dreams, as this is something I will do later.  For some, this might be better done by writing in paragraph form visualizing the life they wish to have, others prefer lists.  It can sometimes help to look around at people you admire, & what are the traits & actions that draw you to them.

Once I have a list of goals & dreams, I begin to group them into categories & time lines for further evaluation.  I will group together health goals, relationship goals, spiritual, personal trait goals, finances, etc.   With each group I will think about what I can do in the next year to make progress in this area.  For relationship goals it might be scheduling dates with my husband, planning some vacations &/or having a game night. For health goals it could be losing weight, going to a new doctor, trying a new exercise &/or meditating self-compassion.

One thing to remember with goals is that it is about progress, not perfection.  In 2012, I had a list of about 40 goals & I accomplished about 60% of them.  Some of these goals were minor, such as putting pictures in frames & going through donations.  Other goals were more significant like starting my blog & going back to yoga class.  I never did finish doing touch-up painting around the house, but I am okay with putting this off another year.  Even though I didn’t finish everything on my list, I can see that the year 2012 was filled with some new adventures & progress in areas that matter to me.  The other goals I didn’t finish I can evaluate whether this is something I want to reconsider in the next year.  Fortunately, 2013 brings new opportunities.

I am excited for what 2013 can bring & my personal goal of implementing the 15M plan.  For 2013, I am going to focus more on making life style changes in increments.  The 15M plan allows me to make progress even in the more difficult health days, as I focus on spending 15 minutes on the desired activity each day.  Often when I am tired or feeling a great deal of pain, I lay on the couch a good part of the day & isolate.  If I can focus first on 15 minutes of some type of exercise, it is a goal I should be able to attain most days, resulting in less discouragement & better health.  When I am feeling good, I will most likely do more, but on a bad day this can help me shift gears.   I will add other areas that I want to progress in such as writing, family time, cooking & doing chores.

Like many of us, I have goals for improving my health in 2013.  I plan to do some experiments with the types of food I eat to see if they may be adding to my symptoms.  I also will be doing health coaching for other people who want to improve their health.  I hope to be able to make an impact on people struggling with chronic health problems & to give hope.  I want to strive for more consistency in my life, & learn to work around the tough days.

Making goals can be a simple process or something you spend weeks processing & planning.  The most important thing is to make some progress.  Taking 15 minutes to write down 10 goals is a great beginning.  For the artist among us, one can draw or clip out pictures from a magazine instead.  You can post the list on your refrigerator or bathroom mirror.  Others may prefer to spend some time evaluating last year, writing out values, & creating a detailed plan for 2013 like I have done.  Finding a buddy to share it with might help keep you motivated & encourage a friend at the same time.

May 2013 bring you some great learning experiences & opportunities.  May you see an impact towards the values you hold dear & be an encouragement to those in your path.

A Quiet Mind

A University of Sydney study of more than 350 long-term meditators, defined as those who have meditated regularly for at least 2 years, points to improved health outcomes and greater well-being  The area of greatest difference between the meditators and the general population was in mental health where the meditators scored 10% higher. And the most significant factor appears to be how frequently the meditators achieved a state of mental silence.

I don’t know about all of you (I think I have an idea) but I love silence…although achieving mental silence (stopping all those thoughts running round and round in my head) seems impossible.

“We found that the health and well-being profile of people who had meditated for at least 2 years was significantly higher in the majority of health and well-being categories when to compared to the Australian population,” said Dr Ramesh Manocha, Senior Lecturer in the discipline of Psychiatry, Sydney Medical School at the University of Sydney, who led the research.

He worked with Prof. Deborah Black, Sydney medical School and Dr Leigh Wilson, Faculty of Health Sciences at the University.

The national study is a world first health quality-of-life survey of long-term meditators. It used the same measurement instruments as the ones used by the federal government’s National Health and Well-being Survey.

While we did expect that there would be differences between the meditators and the general population, we didn’t expect the findings to be so pronounced.

“We focused on the definition of meditation as mental silence and surveyed practitioners of Sahaja Yoga meditation who practice a form of meditation aimed at achieving this state rather than relaxation or mindfulness methods that are usually the focus of other forms,” said Dr Manocha.

The meditators were asked how often they experienced ‘mental silence’ for more than a few minutes at any one time.

Fifty two per cent of respondents said they experienced ‘mental silence’ several times per day or more, while thirty-two per cent were experiencing it once or twice a day.

Most markedly there was a robust relationship between the frequency of experiencing mental silence and better mental health. This definition is based on it being the form of meditation practised for centuries.

Our analysis showed very little relation-ship between how often the person physically sat down to meditate and mental health scores. However, the relationship was clearly apparent in relation to how often they experienced the state of mental silence. In other words, it is quality over quantity”.

Reprinted from the September 2012 issue of LIVING WELL with FIBROMYALGIA - like it? Subscribe for the next issue HERE

 

Find the Essence Within

Give yourself a gift this holiday season…find the essence within.

We, as people, are forever attempting to be someone other than who we authentically are. We read an array of self-help books with the idea of attaining skills enabling us to connect with our true essence. Many of us have read it all before and yet we continue to strive to be that being outside of ourselves. Why would we endeavour to change the essence within when perfection comes from our own uniqueness?

Society, our peers, upbringing, education and the media gently, yet effectively, drive us to believe we are not quite good enough and change is desirable. In actual fact, the opposite rings true.

Our authentic self is never lost, only hidden. Some ideas I have personally discovered in order to rediscover the true essence within myself are:

• Repeat as often as possible, “I am perfect exactly as I am”.
• Ask yourself, what did I enjoy as a child? Singing, dancing, writing, public speaking, creating, poetry, carpentry etc.
• Then reintroduce at least one of these activities into your life. Who knows where it may lead. You may meet new friends or create an innovative business idea from something you actually love doing.
• Ignore societal views regarding age barriers. Who says you cannot be a famous violinist? Did you know current neuroscience research demonstrates that our brain is plastic and forever changing, growing and learning, irrelevant of age. Dreams are not just for the young (or perfectly healthy)!
• Say what you think and feel (of course, with a splash of diplomacy). It is not your job to tiptoe around others, making them feel comfortable at the expense of your own needs. Allow yourself to be lazy occasionally. There is too much pressure to be amazingly driven and goal oriented. It is okay to do nothing at times, staring into space thinking, dreaming and being vague – this is the space where connection with your inner voice is sometimes heard. Goals can be considered only once you have heard your inner voice, as there resides your base for building your life.
• Make choices based on YOUR OWN dreams. For example, many find it desirable to own a home; but, perhaps you would prefer to be a resident of the world and rent in different cities. Maybe you would rather own a business and inject your earnings into a creative idea.
• Be motivated by your soul, not by guilt. We are easily driven off our path through guilt. Guilt is not a good motivator. Guilt is instilled through various means that create a belief system from which we operate in later years. Let us all tame guilt and be free.

You may note a general theme running through the above ideas. You discover you by allowing yourself the freedom to make choices and decisions only for you. It may appear self-centred to approach life in this manner. The opposite is true. People who genuinely love you will be happy you are treating yourself as your own best friend. Your authentic way of life will encourage others to do the same and this will impact on their circles as well.

Reprinted from the December issue of LIVING WELL with FIBROMYALGIA - like it? Subscribe for the next issue HERE

Related articles

• Striving for Perfection can often lead to Suffering… (responsiveuniverse.wordpress.com)

 

Coping vs Hoping

In response to a research study I found, I wanted to ask you guys the same question – to see if our results match the study. The answers may need explanation; and you will find then below the poll.

After we have answers, I will publish a precis of the research study as compared to our answers

• Trust in Divine Help in response to disease addresses non-organized intrinsic religiosity as an external transcendent resource to cope (i.e., trust in a higher power which carries through; strong belief that God will help; faith is a strong hold, even in hard times; pray to become healthy again; live in accordance with religious convictions).
• Trust in Medical Help addresses patients’ reliance on an external medical source of health control (i.e., trust in the therapeutic potentials of modern medicine, take prescribed medications, follows advice of health professionals, full confidence in doctors and therapists).
• Search for Information and Alternative Help refers to external sources providing additional information or alternative help (i.e., thoroughly informed about disease; get thorough information how to become healthy again; find people who can help; search for alternative ways of healing).
• Conscious Way of Living addresses cognitive and behavioural strategies in terms of internal powers and virtues (i.e., healthy diet; physical fitness; living consciously; keep away harmful influences; change life to get well).
• Positive Attitudes refers to internal cognitive and behavioural strategies (i.e., realization of shelved dreams and wishes; resolving cumbering situations of the past; take life in own hands; doing all that what pleases; positive thinking; avoiding thinking at illness).
• Reappraisal: Illness as Chance addresses a reappraisal attitude referring to cognitive processes of life reflection (i.e., reflect on what is essential in life; illness has meaning; illness as a chance for development; appreciation of life because of illness).
• Escape from Illness (i.e., fear what illness will bring; would like to run away from illness; when I wake up, I don’t know how to face the day”

Related articles

• Reappraisal Defuses Strong Emotional Responses to Israel-Palestine Conflict (psychologicalscience.org)

 

A Search for Value

Every day, I wake up, turn on the computer, check my Facebook page and answer any comments. (Rest) Then I look at my email and answer all of those. (Rest) Pay whichever bills have been scheduled on my Outlook calendar. (Rest) Next is my blog and twitter account. I have to do everything straight away, otherwise I forget.

After all that, it’s probably off to a yoga, hydro or tai-chi class. (Then rest)

Back home, to see if any of you guys have written to me. I will try to work on a blog post or FibroModem Girl. This can actually take a couple of hours – research, learning new stuff and diversions to other new stuff (and, of course, rest periods!)

I explored the possibility of starting a charity, which involved more research and learning; but couldn’t find enough support. This goal is not going anywhere – it may just need to sit on a back-burner for a while.

You have to remember that prior to March, I had never blogged, had a Facebook page, made a video or promoted anything – so I am actually enjoying myself. I love learning.

I also think that what I am doing has an intrinsic value. Yes, all of this is helping me to cope but I also feel like it’s helping other people. I feel that what I am doing has value.

So, trying to forget the pain/fatigue part – am I living a life of value that satisfies me?

Although I value what I am doing, and I hope you value what I am doing; other people (ie: people in ‘real’ jobs or ‘normals’) do not think what I do with my time is worth anything – mostly because I don’t earn any money.

For example, when I have a family dinner and my lawyer/executive producer cousin asks me how I stay busy all day, I have to answer that I just play around on the computer, because he doesn’t understand anything about what I’m trying to do. When I try to explain, that blank expression with a bored nod appears across his features.

Mommy gets what I’m doing but she still stresses about the money side of everything.

I know that I have to think about the money stuff – but right now, I’m unable to work so (and maybe this is the meds talking) what is the use of worrying. I’m kinda lucky because there are no kids or partners to think about BUT I really don’t know what’s going to happen when the VISA and AMEX are full. The Disability Support Pension (and subsequent back pay) was approved but the breathing space has now disappeared.

Despite all of this: I am quite happy (how weird is that?)

So, the question is: (forgetting the pain/fatigue) are you living a life of value that satisfies you? And what are you doing?

Scary With You is Better Than Scary Without You

Some-one wrote that I was incredibly honest, shamelessly honest. But right now, I’m about to be shamefully honest – I am full of shame for how I am feeling about the topic that I am choosing to write about today.

I have fibromyalgia (you know that) and, before that, I suffered with 3 years of debilitating depression. It has been a VERY long time since I have felt good, alive, normal. I can’t remember what it feels like to fully enjoy life; and I definitely have no idea how to enjoy life as a grown-up.

Before all of this, I worked on a cruise ship so life was just one big party – now, I’m supposed to be an adult with a career in law. And, I don’t know how to be that kind of normal.

So here comes the shameful part: I’m scared of getting better!

I’ve felt bad for so long, and I don’t know who I am without being sick. It’s almost like a screwed-up safety blanket. In the state I’m in now, I don’t need to deal with real life; I can hide away in the darkness of my bedroom; I can put my head in the sand; and pretend that nothing is going on around me.

And I’ve gotten used to sleeping when my body tells me to (not an alarm clock), spending lots of quality time with my Mommy, meeting my whole neighbourhood.

Doesn’t that sound awful?

In between the depression and FM, I had a short period where I think life was normal (although I was already feeling unexplained pain, fatigue and sensitivities) so I might just be afraid that, if I get better, it won’t stay that way.

I guess what I’m trying to say is I don’t know what to do when I start feeling better, if I start feeling better. It’s terrifying and I don’t understand that. I should want to get better with my whole heart and, in some ways, I don’t.

During this time, I have found I have very few friends, very few people I can depend upon (although a couple of surprises have popped up) and I’m petrified that I will doubt future relationships forever (whereas, right now, it feels like I won’t even make those relationships).

I’m worried that I won’t be able to continue where I left off with my career – I was already an old first-year lawyer; now I’m an even older first-year lawyer, who may not remember anything she learned during her 6 years of study.

I’m scared that I will never get out of this hole of debt that I have accumulated while being sick – but, if I stay sick, I have an excuse.

I’m frightened that I can’t handle normal life – with work, make-up, driving, washing, cleaning, paying bills, social obligations, continuing professional development…oh, and the list just goes on.

I’ve lost SO MUCH time and I feel VERY sad about that.

What we go through each and every day is horrible, but after so long, it becomes normal… And while it seems ridiculous to be afraid of getting better, it may (probably!) just be a fear of change…It doesn’t seem right to feel this way, but I do.

BUT I really don’t have a choice… I have to try to get well and I’m scared.

Energy (and Persistence) Conquer All

We have all learned that we only have a certain amount of energy (spoons, pennies, etc.) and we need to make a conscious choice each and every day about how we’re going to expend our energy. But, sometimes, we don’t even realise that we are wasting energy on certain emotions…

Are you wasting your energy on stress, fear, anxiety, bitterness, anger, or jealousy?

These emotions have all been linked to FM (and heart disease, high blood pressure, depression and a host of others.)

There are some wonderful emotions – Love, Hope, Joy – we just don’t seem to lose sleep and energy over them.

It’s the negative emotions that drag us down, leaving us feeling tired and fatigued. Yes, we sometimes need a good cry but, how tired and worn-out do you feel afterwards?

You are NOT alone – we all know (in our heads) that we have each other (and 700 more in the VISIBLE Army); you can see it in the supportive comments here, on Facebook and in the Forum – we all have fears and anxieties….

BUT we all have the ability to create our own realities. Everything we do, everything we feel always begins with a thought.

Thoughts lead to emotions and ultimately, behaviours. Thoughts, especially in humans, are not particularly independent: if someone says to you, “I know that Fibro is caused by…,” subconsciously, you analyse the statement – Do I know this too? Why does he think I care that he knows this? Is there anything else about this that is significant that I am missing? I know that; does he think I’m stupid?

So one simple thought can mean much, much more than that one thought. If the thing the person said was something you didn’t know, it might make you feel stupid, but it isn’t the feeling “I am stupid” that is draining your energy; it is the thought over and over again in your head “I am stupid” that is doing the damage. (This is what cognitive therapy is about.)

Therapeutic pioneers shared one important belief: clients must challenge what they think, feel, and how they behave based on the power of cognitive understanding. The belief behind the theory was that distressing emotions are typically the result of maladaptive thoughts. Change the thought, and the emotion and behaviour will also be different. Change the negative thought and the negative emotion will no longer drain your energy.

So it’s the thoughts that we need to work on:

• Practice thinking positive thoughts when negative emotions sneak up and you feel yourself sinking.
• Realize that having negative feelings will just hurt you, not them. So there is no reason for you to have any negative feeling.
• Practice thinking about what you let in your mind (and life).
• Realize that you can’t please everyone. In fact, nobody can. Sometimes you need to just let some people go. Realizing this will relieve you from a lot of unnecessary burden so that you can focus on the people who you can positively interact with.
• Practice thinking positive thoughts all of the time – listen to motivational audio program to feed positive thoughts into your mind; Talk to a positive friend who can encourage you; remember your favourite quotes to give you inspiration and motivation (or have notes with these quotes around you – on the bathroom mirror, on the fridge, on the car dash-board, etc.).

It’s definitely not easy but it will let you conserve your energy for the good things in life……

Related articles

• Empower Your Attitude (embracelifeholisticadventures.com)

 

Elizabeth Taylor, Me and Morality

*** NOTE: this post was supposed to be about my recent SHARE on Facebook (see below) but then I got a bit deep. ***

Looks like I insulted a whole lot of people AGAIN!

I shared a quote from Elizabeth Taylor (from the photos of Fibro News and Info) on my FB site:

In my view, the quote expresses what we, as FM sufferers have to do every day. Some days it doesn’t actually work, and we don’t actually get up, but we all try. We have to keep going. We have hurdles (they may last a day, a week, a month, etc) but we struggle to continue with our lives.

This is what I thought the quote expressed – it described our struggles; it wasn’t a direction on how to live life!

Now, how can people be insulted by that, right? Wrong!

One comment: …nice & true, EXCEPT FOR TAKING MY GOD’S NAME IN VAIN…SHOW SOME RESPECT. Please, it is a quote – I cannot change the words in the quote to suit everyone (it wouldn’t be a quote, then!). But I still posted it as I felt it expressed our daily struggle. And the phraseology really got my back up –  ‘MY GOD’ as opposed to my God or your God or any other higher being that some-one may believe in. I do not believe that Elizabeth Taylor meant for anyone to take this as a personal insult.

One message: It is absolutely uncalled for to post anything using God’s name in vain!!! I no longer have ANY respect for this page!!! It is not my quote (or even Fibro News and Info‘s quote). It is a quote by a famous individual. As I said previously, I cannot change the words in the quote to suit everyone. But I still posted it as I felt it expressed our daily struggle. Sometimes I curse and sometimes I use God’s name in vain (and I have trouble believing that there is an individual out there who has NEVER done so), and I am disappointed that a fellow FM sufferer cannot understand the need to express oneself in any way that one can.

This also leads me to think about the way different cultures understand and express themselves.

As you know, I am Australian. I think we (Aussies) tend to see ourselves as very much like Americans. That is, until it comes to cursing (we call it swearing) or using the word ‘God.’ I don’t think the use of any of the words that seem to cause a bit of a ruckus on my FB site, would make an Aussie (or even a Brit) blink an eye. (And the Americans are the ones with a constitutionally protected freedom of speech!)

It is not that we are less religious or less Christian (within the Judeo-Christian concept). Perhaps we are more accepting or realistic? Or we believe that our belief in a higher spirit (whatever you call him or her) does not come down to such minutiae? I can’t say any of this for certain but I can talk about my own beliefs…

I know that my own belief system, which stems from a Jewish upbringing, is based upon knowing there is a higher being (whether that be God, the universe or something else, I am not sure). This higher being has a plan for all of us (but this is not to say that we don’t have some power over our own futures). It is a belief in universal, not relative, morality – ultimately, I answer to this higher being, not to other people. I believe that, in general, I should try to lead a good life. A good life does not mean a perfect life as defined by the Old Testament or the New Testament or the Koran (etc. You get the idea!), or so I believe. It means treating others as you would like to be treated. It means helping others if you have the means and/or ability to do so.

I do not believe this makes me a bad Jew (or Christian or anything else).

For example, as a Jew, I am not supposed to donate my organs (who would want them?) upon my death (although as medical transplantation methods have improved, rabbinical opinions are becoming more accepting) because:

• The needless mutilation of a body is forbidden (hence no tattoos, either);
• Preparing a body of a Jewish donor for transplants delays the burial process and paying respect to the deceased;
• It is forbidden to gain a benefit from a dead body; and
• A person should be buried whole with all their body parts.

However, I have always believed that ultimately the saving of another life (or lives) by donating my organs is a much more moral choice.

Similarly, as a child and young adult, I was taught to never write the word ‘God:’ as a sign of respect, I was taught to write G-d. Now, as an adult, I have decided that the way in which I write the word does not change the way I feel towards this higher being.

I do not believe that cursing (swearing) is going to bring the wrath of this higher being down upon me. Neither do I believe that using the word ‘God’ is going to make very much of a difference to whether I live a good life or not.

But these are my beliefs – you can read about them or not but I will not be forcing them upon anyone. You have the right to your opinion but please don’t force your beliefs upon me.